I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
