I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize