I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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