He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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