i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
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I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
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I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize