I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
