I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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