Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
