I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
