did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
