it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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