the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Can't talk, ducks in the car
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
