I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
