I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
