Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
