girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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