Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
