these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
