omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
