Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Floor bacon is actually really good
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
