I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize