I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
