On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
