I think I am morally bankrupt
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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