I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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