That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
high people should be assigned attendants
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
