and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
