like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
