Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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