Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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