I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
