I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im six kinds of drunk right now
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
