Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
