i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
