i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
