I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
two words...techno handjob
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize