We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
