She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
