i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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