I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
