So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
