I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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