i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
