going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
