Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
