Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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