she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
