Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
