He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
