I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
