Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
