I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
