Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
