I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
3pm strippers are depressing
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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