he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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