oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
