I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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