ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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