You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
