I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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