u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
