Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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